The essay was not an authentic student submission discovered in a classroom recycling bin. Jamesson, an established sketch comedian and video creator, deliberately engineered the document to emulate the exact tonal missteps of a late-night college freshman paper. Printed on standard paper with faux grading marks, the essay tackled an absurd subject through a hilariously serious philosophical framework.
The paper begins with a classic rhetorical stumble: "Everyone knows Mario the idea vs. Mario the man." It then poses an unanswered rhetorical leap followed by the single-word sentence that launched the meme. Rather than using "perchance" as a parenthetical adverb meaning "perhaps" or "by chance," the paper treats it as a self-sufficient logical conclusion. The fictional grader's marginal correction, "You can't just say 'perchance'", supplied the punchline. It voiced the exact complaint every reader felt while scanning the opening lines.
Beyond the opening salvo, the essay escalated in absurdity. Later lines featured the author declaring that Mario spends his days "stomping turts," prompting the grader to underline the slang and flatly write, "Stop." When the essay casually asserted that Dr. Pepper represents the lifeblood of working-class laborers, the red ink simply read, "Gross." Jamesson understood that the comedy worked best when the teacher's handwritten notes matched the reader's growing disbelief.
